If you're a compulsive gambler, you've probably got no money left at all. So you can't go and buy Quattro Fantastic, which is all about gambling. Kind of a cleft stick, isn't it? (Eh? Ed)
Like most of the Quattro compilations, there are four games (hence, I suppose, the name Quattro). All these games have either a pub or a casino feel (or both), and they involve the serious spending of money you haven't got.
Let's have a wee look at them, shall we boys 'n' hoods?
FRUIT MACHINE SIMULATOR
Yes, there has to be a simulator in there somewhere. So this is it. You load it up and see a complex piccy of a fruit machine. By pressing various keys you can hold, mega hold, shift, nudge or wink - I'm not too good with fruit machines. It's very pretty, with flashing bells and ringing lights and hypnotic spirals of whirling colour.
if you have got any skill at all with fruit machines in arcades, you might actually be able to make some dosh with FMS. But. seeing as it's only a CodeMasters game and not a real fruit machine it'll be pretendy money. Bah, humbug and all that.
Still FMS is a pretty okayish rendition of a machine we all know and find annoying, er, love.
If you watch The Bill you'll know that pubs are wicked, evil dens of vice. Not even the inclusion of trivia machines can make them acceptable, so the Codies have come up with the perfect solution, Triv at home. Brilliant concept, boys.
You've got to select a category, then answer the questions in a time limit by pressing either A, B or C. That's all there is to it.
If you're turned on by the idea of answering questions like "Which building did King Kong sit on?" or "Who wrote 'The Sound Of Silence?" you'll be in your element.
In fact the only bummer is that you have to move a cursor over the right button before pressing it. This is a simple operation, but gets dead confusing when you've got about a tenth of a second in which to get the answer right and click on it. Still, on the whole it's not a bad Triv generator.
I've got a feeling CodeMasters went completely off-their respective rockers as they wrote this. It's, shall we say, a tad strange. You've got a character called Reggie Loud who looks like a Sesame Street puppet and talks incessantly. This annoys everyone immensely and they actually shout at him to shut up during the game. Then you pick a character to play. There's Jocky Pilsner, Nigel Ninja, a barbarian and several other people who you wouldn't normally expect to see playing darts.
What you have to do is guide a drunken hand as it wobbles around. If you get it into the right position, hit fire and the dart flies onto the board. Simple.
You can play either 501 or round-the-clock (but you'll probably get tired), ha ha. It's great but the prob is the opponents are all really tough.
MONTE CARLO CASINO
There are five casino-related games here, so in the Quattro Fantastic tape you're actually getting nine games!
There's an okayish roulette thing, another fruit machine, a poker game, a blackjack player and a crap game. No, it's a game of craps (dice). but it's quite crap as well.
All are playable, and you've got thousands of dollars to play with. You can wander over to the 'wheel', hit the 'tables', play the 'machines' or shoot 'craps' just like they do in Spenser For Hire. Great entertainment, especially if you've never shot 'craps' before.
Overall, I have to give this Quattro jobbie a Megagame. There's a lot of fun to be had without risking your dosh, and if you 'play your cards right' you wont have to talk to any of your rellies over the entire Chrimble period! The only alternative is to pretend you've got laryngitis. I know which option I'd prefer (hem hem).
Pah! I knew that! But a more interesting question would be "What age does an armadillo have to be before it can become an MP?" (13. Ed)
Place your bets! Spin the wheel! Lose all your money cos the whole things a mega-fix done by magnets and mirrors! Yes, roulette is the most nail-bitingest things you can bet on (except woodlice racing).
Ah fruit machines, the curse of Western civilisation. Watch out - you can get hooked.
This is complete craps. Those little blobs are dice. You roll them, having bet on the result, and, if you're psychic you win a pile of dosh.