What's this then? Oh, a fruit machine simulator. Hmm. "Insert Coin". Which key was that again? Oh yes. In goes 20p. Press Space to start and dunk dunk dunk, did I win? Erm, no. I think I'll have another go. Dunk dunk dunk. Three bananas. Hurrah! I've won I've won - but how much? Oh. 20p. I know, I'll gamble. Right, what do I have to do now - stop those flashing things and, ahem, I've lost. (Blimey, this game is crap.)
Or perhaps it's just me, cos I have to admit that as a fruity machine jobby you can't really fault this. It's got everything - and more besides (super nudge boxes, anyone?). It's a cinch to play (once you've mastered the keys), does so very realistically, erm, 'looks very nice' and, dare I say, is quite a lot of fun as well.
And things really start to hot up if you're playing with a friend or two. You all start off with an agreed amount of cash and the winner is the last player to go broke. (Simple really.) It sounds brill, but unfortunately I haven't got any pals so I couldn't actually try this out. And my family weren't much help either. (Sniff.) But never mind - Fruit Machine Simulator II is an ace laugh, there's oodles of features, and it's as addictive as a, erm, very addictive fruit machine.
I want money. That's what I want. (So why I'm playing this game I haven't the foggiest!)