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Virgin Games Ltd
Adventure: Graphic
ZX Spectrum 48K/128K
Multiple schemes (see individual downloads)

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Graham Taylor
Chris Bourne

This review will contain the following words which may be considered offensive: wee, fart and bastard. If you think you may be offended by these words please do not read on.

How to be a Complete Bastard, the book, was not a very likely subject for a computer license, and yet now we have the game. Still Virgin got it cheap. It owns the rights.

How to be a Complete Bastard may be the only title here that actually merits an X-rated tag (or at least so some will think) it is also the only such game ever to have been issued by a major software house.

Curiously How to... looks quite a lot like the Young Ones game. A split screen shows you; Sir Adrian, and the room you are currently in on the top half and you; Sir Adrian, and the room you are currently in on the bottom half. Um.. er this may sound a bit confusing but in one screen it's you as seen from one perspective and in the other it displays the room from other angles. The bottom view also spins round and round if you get drunk.

Playing the game is like this. Move Sir Adrian - a medium sized sprite - around the room of a largish house in which the party appears to be in full swing. You can wander about searching everything including microwaves, sofas, garden tables, coats, desks and less savoury objects for items which look as though, one way or another, they could be used to give offence and thus improve your Bastard rating. Here is one, comparatively tasteful, example - search the coats for a pen, get the pen and accost a partygoer and... that's right - jab him with the pen. Fun huh? Just as doing nasty things earns you points doing nice (girlie) things wipes them out. Putting the Bam Bee video on, for example, is a mistake.

Most of the time, the art of the game is figuring out a dastardly use for the unlikely objects you find. Would you know the extremely unpleasant use of which clingfilm can be put?

Crass, tasteless, juvenile. I quite liked it really. Sensitive parents won't.

Label: Vrigin
Author: Sentient Software
Price: £7.95
Memory: 48K/128K
Joystick: various
Reviewer: Graham Taylor

Utterly tasteless but tolerably well programmed and quite funny really. Not for the sensitive or easily outraged.


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SENTIENT SOFTWARE are the people behind Bastard. The game design was a team effort, and the code was produced by Elliot Gay. Graphics were put together by YTS recruit Allastair Watt.

After the success of their Winter Games conversion for US Gold they moved over to Ocean to produce the epic 128K game Tai-Pan, just recently released.

SOFTOGRAPHY:Falcon (Virgin, 1985), Scrabble (Leisure Genius, 1985), Winter Games (Epyx, 1986), Tai-Pan (Ocean, 1987)