Ping, zzzarrp!!!! Piddle-tiddle-tiddle-tiddle-tiddle-tiddle-tum-tum.
And bong, bong, bong too. Here it is. Blast it all up, in the true Nitchibutsu (Bless you, Ed) arcade style. Scrolling action across a horizontal 3D, Zaxxon-style landscape or down through a person-hole cover (no sexism in a Rachael review) to try some side-on action in the caves.
Pop! Pop! Kaboom!!! This is one for the quick fingered as you duck, dive 'n dodge, shooting all the way like Dirty Harry on the trail of the punk who'll make his day.
You glide left to right - or rather the landscape glides right to left under you - and swerve in and out of the screen, avoiding surface structures as you go. But keep moving because the aliens all home in immediately, whether they're rooted to the spot or weaving around, and the only way to avoid their shots is to zig-zag.
Too much tension up top? (Try a larger T-shirt! Ed) Then position yourself over an entrance to the underworld and prepare to take on the formation nasties. They're joined together like some alien tapeworm and you've got to take out each section before they're dead.
Wipe out enough aliens and you get the chance to pick up a free gift - apparently this is an obligatory feature in shoot 'em ups, '87-style. These appear in order and include things like the blasters which double your fire power, a pair of fast-walking legs and a lance, which you'll need for some of the heavyweight nasties.
But Rachael has a little quibble. To get enough features onto each screen, which gives you time to steer around them, the graphics are a little squidgy and the smaller missiles are difficult to see against the monochrome background.
But what the heck! It all moves so fast that you'll be diving back in every time you die. This is a high score freak's dream. Even if it isn't the most involved scenario ever, it's dangerously addictive entertainment. I'm just grateful I'm not pouring ten pees into the arcade machine.
And now. If you'll excuse me... Whap! Whapp!
Simple shoot 'em up but packed with the secret hookability that makes you keep on coming back for more!
Keep moving but try not to get trapped at the bottom or top of the screen. And keep firing as you weave around, so that you get the aliens immediately they appear. Watch out for the weaponry - it's waiting for you to collect it - and the circular holes that take you out of the frying pan...
... and into the fire. Underground you tend to die faster but score more as you take on the circling aliens. Again, allow yourself plenty of room to manoeuvre and keep blasting. Exits to the upper world appear on the ground, but beware of bumping into nasties as you skim along, trying to reach one.