Why is it that anything that's in any way 'happening' these days has to be set in America? Eh? I mean, even here in Bath, even we're capable of injecting a certain amount of groovy style into our lives. But we're not Yankees, are we, so no-one wants to know. Load of cobblers, if you ask me.
The result of this rather narked outburst is that I've just been inspecting New York Warriors, rather than Manchester Warriors or Peckham Warriors. We're in the not-too-distant future, so naturally anarchy and organised crime are rampant, the government has lost control and things, generally, aren't looking too hot for your average law-abiding citizen. The problem is that a group of frug dealers called the Church of the Third Coming have been slipping narcotics into the food and water supplies so that the whole population has fallen asleep. That is, apart from you and an assortment of chums of course. And obviously you've been watching a fair few Walter Hill movies too many 'cos you've decided to call your group The Warriors, with the lauded aim of wiping out all the baddies. The only slight problem is that they've gone and planted a bomb in the World Trade Centre which they plan to blow up unless you all surrender. So in you go to defuse the bomb and save the world.
What a load of crap, eh? And it does nothing to disguise the fact that this is just a slightly rubbishy scrolling shoot-'em-up with not a lot going for it. There are about seven or eight levels (sorry - a bit vague there) which multiload in to give you an area of New York between Walt Whitman Park and the World Trade Centre, via places like the Brooklyn Bridge and Broadway. Each of these is made up of an area about three screens wide and three screens high which scrolls in four directions to let you wander around it. I hardly need point out, I suppose, that the whole place is infested with baddies, booby traps and add-on weapons. (Oh, and you can have two players doing it together if you want.)
Okay, time to start pulling it to bits. The graphics are the real let-down. They're not actually bad as such, but they're very Spectrumy, what with the jerky scrolling and overall monochromeness. Then there's your Warrior. Although he can walk in eight directions he can only fire in five - from side to side, forwards plus the diagonals. Not much use when there's baddy behind him, eh? And the multiloader's a complete barst as well. Not only does everything load in unbelievably slowly, but you've got to reload Level One every time you die, even if that's where you lost your last life. Groan.
If you're a mapper or a tipper, and you think you can put up with all that (and I can't say I could for long), New York Warriors might be just the game for you. Okay, so it's got a few original touches, like a bloke asleep on a bench who suddenly wakes up and tries to take you out, but for the rest of us, well, it's hardly going to light our fire.
An okayish scrolling shooter that loses out by being a bit crap.
"Oh, War-ri-ooors, come out to playeeeee!"
A gun! Better pick it up. (Or switch my Spec off and go and have a cup of tea.)
At last, I've got some baddies to blow away. (Took your time, didn't you, boys?)