TOP TORY ministers were last night revealed in a leaks-for-favours scandal which seems set to shake the very core of Mrs Thatcher's Government.
Chronical reporter Big Ben claims that while in pursuit of a major scoop he discovered senior cabinet ministers flickering through the sprite-ridden corridors of power, prepared to accept gifts in return for portions of his story.
Ben, tired and emotional after his ordeal, described the interior of the Palace of Westminster as "a crazy world of levels and ladders. Some of the rooms are extremely difficult to negotiate, others a simple matter. And there's the most awful music coming from somewhere, it drives me potty."
New revelations include allowing the public to redesign the Houses of Parliament, positioning walkways and stairs where it wants.
When asked to respond to criticism of the colour clashes involved in the new decoration scheme, the Prime Minister replied: "Of course we care about the quality of the graphics. Of course we do. But There is No Alternative. Why don't you moaning minnies talk about the good points of the game, such as... (cont page 94).
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