Unless otherwise stated this review is not affiliated with any other website nor has the review been authorised by the copyright company or indiviudal author. As of 17th July 2017 this encompasses every review within ZXSR. If you would like this or any other review removed from this website, please contact the website administrator here.

Martech Games Ltd
1985
Tactical Combat
£7.95
£3.99
English
ZX Spectrum 48K
Multiple schemes (see individual downloads)

Other Links


60
Stuart Campbell
Chris Bourne

Uh-oh. Apparently someone wrote in and complained last month that I was single-handedly killing the Speccy by giving some rubbishy old re-releases some crap marks, so I'm under instructions from Linda to be really positive this month. Which gives me a bit of a problem, because this game's completely useless. What on Earth am I going to do?

I suppose I could wibble on harmlessly about the plot for a few lines, I can't get in much trouble with that... Zoids is a game licenced from a collection of little plastic robot toys that were slightly popular for about five minutes in 1986 or thereabouts. You control a little Blue Zoid who's searching for the lost and scattered pieces of a really big and tough Blue Zoid in order to attack and destroy a horrendously evil big and tough Red Zoid. This you do by destroying little Red Zoid cities (with the aid of remote-control missile attacks) and searching through the rubble to see if there are any Big Blue Zoid bits lying around. Um... (drat, ran out of plot)

(I guess I could always try to sound constructive by going through all the game's good points...) There's a slightly entertaining sub-game where you fire a missile at a bad guy and actually have to direct it to the target in a fast-moving 3D-view sequence which is quite good fun, and, er... (drat, ran out of good points.) (Maybe I could mention the bad points really quickly in the smallest number of words possible and hope nobody was really paying attention...) It's incredibly repetitive: the way that your Zoid will refuse to follow your commands if it feels endangered is really annoying; the pixel-perfect accuracy you have to use on the totally invisible boundary of a destroyed city if you want to find the missing bits of the big Blue Zoid is stupendously ridiculous; the whole thing moves painfully slowly; the graphics are totally crap, just black screens with the odd blue oval shape and lots of pointless icons; nothing very much ever really happens; it's one of the most frustrating games you'll ever play; if you do suffer it for long enough to get to the end, it isn't worth it; it's completely... (drat, ran out of space.)

30%

Banner Text

BAT BLIM!

'Zoids!' is one of the lesser-known exclamations used by Robin in the Batman TV shows of the 1960s, along with 'Holy One-Piece Swimsuits!' and 'Multituinous Assimilations!'

Screenshot Text

Then on the last lap, Billy span out of control and careened into a crash barrier. Sparks erupted from the engine and tyres exploded across the track. 'No feature!' screamed Billy. (Dramatic, eh?)