Yikes. This compilation's got more violence in it than Gary Glitter's got sequins! Of course, I'm no stranger to extreme physical trauma. Andy's always hitting me over the head for no apparent reason. (Thwack! Ed) Like that. (Cough.) So what better way to release all my pent-up anger and frustration (but keep my job at the same time) than to get well and truly stuck into some serious Speccy GBH? Banzai!
Vigilante is pure martial arts beat-'em-up (along the lines of Renegade) and sees you jumping around New York trying to rescue Madonna. (Or someone with exactly the same name.) There are the usual fighting moves, and weapons to pick up, and stuff like that, and, er, that's about it really. The graphics are nothing special, and the colour clash can get a bit severe at times, but overall it's just about fast enough to keep your interest up.
1991 Rating: 69
By some weird coincidence, Ninja Spirit also sees you with 2 characters, only this time one is literally a shadow of the other, doing exactly what the first one does. They both wander around the mazy dungeony-type castle hacking and slashing at the dozens of mystical warriors who toddle up bravely to get their heads cut off.
The combat and movement is nice and zappy but it lets itself down by having a very, very confused background. This is a pity, because otherwise the game would be perfectly good fun to play.
1991 Rating: 71
A funny one. It sets you up as one of a clan of oriental horseriders trying to wipe out an empire of nasty evil warriors. They're nicely drawn, giving a sort of Japanesey feel to the whole thing, but they're too small and tend to get confused (like Ninja Spirit) in battle. The combat itself is unsatisfying because you've got to hold down Fire to put more aggressiveness into each blow, and then you find that it's really easy to kill everybody by just sliding around the screen from side to side. But strangely, it's also a game you'd quite like to get to the end of. Again, showing its age, but endearing.
1991 Rating: 80
Hammerfist is very much in the Last Ninja 2 mould. It's about some bloke who shoots a big gun and a girl who jumps quite high in the air who together take on the cyberpunk establishment of the future. You control first one character and then the other, according to which suits the particular situation. There are some well-funky graphics and a fair bit of puzzle-solving to do, and, all in all, it's fast-paced, highly addictive and generally pretty spookalicious.
1991 Rating: 87
GHOULS 'N' GHOSTS
This is better. No Japanese street-fighting here. Just simple, easy-peasy ghost killing. You play Arthur, picking up weapons and points as you wend your way towards a large castle. Undead people burst up out of the ground, terrifying vultures swoop down, and trapdoors open and close with little or no warning. G'n' G is a lot of fun. It's got simple, clear graphics, and a good mix of puzzles and tricks to keep your interest from flagging. There are nice touches of humour too. like the wizard chappie who turns you into a duck when you shoot him. It is getting old and lacks the sort of novel twists you see in the best shoot-'em-ups, but still manages to carry itself extremely well.
YS Rating: 82
Oh dear. Didn't quite have the punch I was looking for, that. None of the games are classics, and time hasn't been too kind to them, but then again they're not totally crap either. The only trouble is I'm still feeling incredibly violent. (Thwack! Ed) And I think I'm about to go and lose my job...
A compilation of 5 generally alright (and very violent) games. Just teeters above average.
THE VOICE OF REASON
The other day we heard a rustling in the YS bushes (behind the shed) and went out to investigate. The noise seemed to be coming from a hole in the ground, and, as we approached, who should suddenly jump out of it but Arnold Schwarzenegger. Spook! After recovering from the initial shock of finding himself in south-west England (and not Southern California where he'd been filming an action scene for the forthcoming Terminator 2), he accepted our gracious offer of a cup of tea, and gave us this second opinion on Coin-Op Hits 2. Over to you, Mr Schwarzenegger.Oh. Where iz diz Spegdrum compooda den? Oh, yez. I zee it. Vigilante, it haf loz of violenze. Iz good becoz, you know, violenze, is quite impordant. Is good. Hammerviz? Diz Metaliziz girl I like. She very strong. You have her addrez? Hur hur. Dere izn't enuv violonze in Ninja Zpirit. No. I cannot zee what iz going on eider. Ghoulz 'n' Ghosts is not zo good neider. How you kill ghoz? Uh? Und dis Dynasty Varz? Pah! Horze-riding is fur girls und big drinks of water. I eat zem for breakfaz. Where's my Uzi 9 millimeder? I'll be back!And with that he disappeared back down the hole again.
Oh no - yobs on the loose! Look, er, just take the money, will you? Go and buy yourselves a couple of lollypops or something.
Good lord. Can't see a thing. Looks like a blizzard in an Indian takeaway! (Ho hum.)
And here's another crap 'Pass the binoculars' screen. (Looks like we're underwater!)
Well, she's certainly 'got the power', hasn't she?
Crikey! Lots of hobgoblin thingies are jumping out of the ground to kill me! Better stop 'em with my nifty dagger-throwing party trick, eh? That'll show 'em!