I BLAME this geezer Chris Sievey. He's the one who got us into The Biz. Who's he, anyway? Just some cat who cut a single back in '83 with some naff ZX-81 programs on the flip side. Now he's written a Basic simulation of the pop industry for Virgin.
The first person to get a number one hit single in The Biz gets to appear live on stage with Sievey. Despite that, me and the lads thought we'd give it a go and formed this band called the Y Fronts.
At first we played local scout groups and the Labour Clubs. We had a dodgy manager and an agent who fixed us gigs in places we'd never heard of. Our gear got lifted regularly and eventually our drummer joined a bunch of heavy metal headbangers.
We cut our own disc and pressed 10,000 copies. Our manager fixed an interview on Radio Forth, we ligged it around the campuses and the single shot to 142 in the charts. Then the record stiffed - we hadn't pressed enough copies - and our drummer left to play with some outfit which Sounds were hailing as the new Beatles.
We did some local promo, got a new manager went to a hair salon and hit the London nightclubs. The band was really tight by now and the songs weren't so lousy. Stage presence was zilch, but then who's seen a C&W band with dry ice? Then we got the break - the Factory gave us an advance and we made a new single. Capital put us on the C list and we were on standby for Top of the Pops. We made it to number; 42.
Then our drummer split, the gigs got cancelled, the record stiffed and the Factory tolds us where to go. We were back at square one, playing the Leeds Amnesia for peanuts. A groupie offered us some drugs, and we're not looking back now. We're not looking forward either. Tell you the truth, the colours make it difficult to look at anything at all...